


A Balm To A Tattered Soul

by ladyoneill



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Goats, Mental Institutions, Nogitsune Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 01:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1247155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyoneill/pseuds/ladyoneill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Season 3b, Stiles, freed from the nogitsune, commits himself to Eichen House again and, there, find something a bit odd, and oddly comforting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Balm To A Tattered Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Written for pic for 1000 on livejournal. My inspirational picture was [Goat at Goats do Roam Wine Farm](http://www.flickr.com/photos/sah_photos/1861384095/). Yes, I worked goats into Teen Wolf and none of them got eaten!
> 
> I don't think (or hope) this is where the show is going but it's possible (not the goats).

On the fifth day of his second and probably permanent stay at Eichen House, Stiles finds them and he can't help but feel bemused. Between sessions, lockdown and meals, he's taken to wandering the extensive grounds. There are no restrictions on his meanderings, but he always has an orderly trailing him. He supposes that's in case he tries to hurt himself or run, but he's going to do neither.

This is where he needs to be.

In a secluded field there's a round stone tower encircled by a wooden staircase behind a wooden fence. In the enclosure are goats. For a moment he thinks about asking Bob the orderly why there are goats at a mental institution, but then he just mentally shrugs and goes to lean against the fence to watch the four goats, one with big horns and a beard, the other three probably females, amble about their enclosure and climb the tower.

It's kind of peaceful. The goats chomp on the new spring grass, one lays down beneath a small tree to take a nap, the male climbs to the top of the tower as if he's the king of the world.

There's a bench outside the enclosure and Stiles sits at one end and Bob the other. For the next couple hours, he watches the carefree creatures and wishes he could join them.

*****

A few days later, after a group session during which he couldn't say anything honest, Stiles heads back to the goats. This time he takes the crackers that came with his lunch--his appetite may never recover and he knows he's lost too much weight, but the soup barely stayed down; he wasn't about to try crackers.

Going to the fence, he unwraps them. Immediately there's a stampede of goat hooves and bleating fills the air. Stiles finds himself cracking a smile, the first true smile in a month, as the goats fight over the two saltines. He breaks them into four pieces.

He still doesn't question why there are goats here.

*****

On his third visit, under a cloudy sky threatening rain, Stiles figures it out. The goats are damn soothing.

*****

Fourteen days after he committed himself, Stiles breaks down in front of Morrell, sobbing into his hands. With her he can tell the truth, and it's a horrific one.

No matter how many times she, his father, his friends try to convince him none of it was his fault, the guilt is overwhelming. He--the nogitsune inside him--killed nine people, stabbed and tortured Scott, slaughtered...slaughtered Aiden with a wolfsbane coated knife to the heart.

And he laughed while doing so.

That was Stiles' mouth and vocal chords forming the laugh, his twisted mind taking pleasure in murder, his hands dripping with blood. All were terrible deaths, but Aiden was personal, wrapped up in the nogitsune's desire to give Stiles one thing as pap: Lydia.

Lydia, who loves him, he knows that now, but whom he can't let himself love in return. He doesn't deserve her, will never deserve her.

He's a murderer.

When they banished the nogitsune and made sure it would never return, Stiles broke down in his father's arms--his father, whose face was littered with bruises from Stiles' own fists--begging to be arrested, to spend the rest of his life in prison, but his father refused, crying into Stiles' hair, his grip on him sure and stabilizing.

Stiles knows he deserves prison, but now that he's thinking more rationally, he knows it's bad enough that his dad has a lunatic for a son. An accused, then convicted serial killer would end his career, and, despite Scott's idiot dad's claims, Stiles' father is a damn good sheriff and with Stiles here, he needs something to keep him moving forward.

He sobs all that to Morrell, too.

On the sweaty nape of his neck, her hand is gentle as she murmurs to him, "Go visit the goats."

So, he does.

And they calm him.

*****

For the first month someone visits him daily--mostly his friends as he convinced his dad not to come every day; he needs to keep living and he's still dealing with the fall out from the murders and the FBI inquiry. Scott comes three times a week; Lydia more, though they don't talk much. Even Derek drops by twice.

But, Stiles knows that soon enough the visits will dwindle. His dad will keep coming every Saturday and Wednesday afternoons, bringing comic books and his favorite junk food, but his friends have their whole lives ahead of them. Summer will be on them soon enough, then college visits and the SATs. In less than eighteen months they'll all head off to college, leaving him behind.

He's okay with that. There are tutors here and he keeps up with his education. He'll get his GED and then...while he's labeled one of the less disturbed patients and isn't kept heavily drugged, what's the point of pursuing anything further?

There's no reason to get an online degree. Stiles knows he's never leaving here.

*****

The first of May finds him tossing carrot sticks over the fence to the goats. He's named them Lily, Rose, Daisy and Benedict (after Cumberbatch, of course). Most of the orderlies find this amusing as the few other patients who visit the enclosure never went that far, or at least never spoke to the goats.

Stiles speaks to them a lot--nothing deep or painful--holds entire conversations with them as they bleat. He's pretty sure that the orderlies believe he thinks they talk back, but he's not that crazy.

The goats soothe his tattered soul in a way he doesn't really understand but also doesn't question. Inside the institution he's made a few casual friends, but he doesn't talk much to them. Here, he can be as close to his old self as possible.

It's very comforting.

From the top of the tower, Benedict bleats his dominion to the world, and Stiles grins.

End


End file.
